This is going to be the year of truth.
First truth, I'm overweight. Sometimes friends and family will try to tell me that I'm not, but the truth is, I am.
For years now I have watched the Biggest Loser and wished I could have the results in my own journey that they get. Every season I see the first weigh in and am faced with the fact that I weigh the same as some of them do that first weigh in. I don't want to, I want to be 'normal' and healthy, strong and fit, I want to be active and skinny...but working towards getting those things has been so hard.
I've been overweight most of my life. I try to put on a happy face, just live my life (not letting the weight stop me from doing things) but I'm not happy when it comes to how I look and feel. Truth is I'm often sad to the point of tears over it.
I know exactly what I need to do to lose the weight and have even done it at times...but for some reason I often sabotage and choose not to do what I know I should. For some reason I'm holding on to the weight. This year I want to find out why and move beyond whatever I'm holding on to.
Sometimes I choose to eat only chocolate for lunch and then stop for fast food on the way home. At times I buy and eat an entire box of chocolate cupcakes in one evening. I'm always on a diet yet rarely do I tell my friends and family "no, I'm not eating that". I always figure I can make up for today's bad choice tomorrow (but tomorrow I make more bad choices).
I pack clothes to go to the gym EVERY single day but in the last 3 months I have probably only been there a few times each month.
I know that working out and eating right will get me the results I want but I just don't do it. Every day I'm going to tell you about this journey...so I guess if you don't want to know you should probably just avoid coming to my blog.
Weight Today: 230
Bad Food Choices: 1/2 a loaf of pumpkin bread throughout the morning, chocolate frosting at lunch time, Taco bell for lunch
Good Food Choice: turkey chili and broccoli for dinner
Work Out: 20 minute BOSU workout
Emotional Step: Made an appointment with a counselor
Here's to being honest in 2010 and hopefully ending this year in a much better place physically and emotionally.
3 comments:
I am right there with you. I don't know how much you are trying/wanting to lose..I'm going for another 25 pounds for myself. I'm sorry you are struggling. I will pray for you. I believe you can do this. You are worth the effort! I hold on to my weight because I don't want people to notice me. And when people say "You can eat all that and still be so thin." Which isn't really true, I'm truly about 40 pounds overweight. But, when they say that it makes me want to eat until I explode just so they will quit saying I'm skinny. So..all that to say..you are not alone in the struggle of finding why you do the things you do and why you hold on to what you hold on to. I don't know you..but I love you! Be strong. :)
Dear Carmen,
Bless you for being so honest! I hope that this will be a transformative year for you--in more ways than one . . . thinking of you!
Wow, Carmen. Thanks for inviting us into your journey! I'm very proud to know you.
I know you'll do great!
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