The food changes I have made are going fine with very small exceptions like peanut butter (which I already confessed to and is over now that it is gone), ketchup, and Fiber One cereal. But something is going on emotionally that I did not bargain for.
I'm lonely, I'm depressed, I'm not happy. Here I thought cutting sugar out of my diet would make me healthy and happy but the fact that I am an emotional eater is ringing through loud and clear here. In the past if I was lonely I'd eat a chocolate bar...depressed, I'd stop for ice cream...unhappy, I'd make a cake. In the last two weeks I have had zero chocolate, zero ice cream and zero pieces of cake, so my emotions are getting a chance to show themselves. It's not pretty. Every day this week I have contemplated whether I could stay home and stay in bed and then realizing I had some obligation requiring my attention that could not be missed, I would finally drag myself to work.
I think this is also why I cannot seem to work out to save my life. It's difficult enough to pull myself out of bed to get to work, I have no drive leftover to do anything else, let alone work out.
So, now I am left with trying to figure out how I should deal with my emotions in a way that does not involve food. So far I got a massage and been writing in my journal as well as reading my Bible each morning. I figure my loneliness possibly stems from feeling far from God.
I'm glad I'm on this journey but I wish I had more control over it than I currently do...
Weight: 226
Bad Food Choices: Ketchup (I never realized how bad it is for you) and Fiber One Cereal (just not on program)
Good Food Choices: Skipped the chocolate cake a co-worker brought in today.
Activity: If only laying on the couch watching TV could be counted here.
Emotional Step: Continuing to pull myself out of bed each day...
3 comments:
Carmen,
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling, but continue to be proud of and amazed by your vulnerability and desire to make wise and healthy choices.
Thinking of you!
Totally identify!!
I hate myself for even saying this, because I hated everyone else for saying to me..but I really did (and do) feel better emotionally when I work out. I SO wanted it to be NOT TRUE. But there's just something about knowing that even if I failed everything else that day, I didn't fail the goal the eliptical machine gave me. I made the 30 min (or whatever it is at the time.)
This road is most definitely bumpy! But, we'll get there. Keep in the game, eyes focused on Him. He is your STRONG TOWER! He will hold you up when you are weak, dance with you when you are strong and love on you regardless.
((hugs))
PS GOOD JOB on skipping the cake!!
I was just reading over all of your 30-day-challenge posts. . . Thank you for saying out loud so many of the things I have thought/felt over the years - you are one brave woman! :) I am praying for you! -erin
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