Because I Don't Poop On Their Transportation

There is a bird (or a gang of like 25 based on the amount) that finds it absolutely necessary to poop down the sides of my car daily (eveningly actually). I complained about this to my friends and family at Easter dinner and one of them said something that revved my annoyance and sent me into "how can I 'fix' this problem, NOW" mode like none of the actual birdy poop had yet done.

They said very casually and sort after-thought like "oh, that can take the paint off".

What?

No stinking way...not only does it look awful running down the length of my driver's side door but it could also strip the paint off that door making my car look forever trashy? No stinking way...

It seems to me that this same poop problem started around the time my roommate started making comments about the little bird taking up residence in our fake berry wreath above the mail box. So, as the weeks of annoyingness passed on I started to credit that little bird for the daily, disgusting layered down the side of my car.

One afternoon in a pit of rage (silent stomping mostly)...I decided enough was enough. This little birdy was going to have to find a new home. At this point in the story you are probably no longer disgusted by my car but sympathizing with the little bird. I understand (I'm mean) and I won't hold it against you. So back to the rage...I pulled down the wreath (little bird is off wreaking havoc somewhere else at the moment) and I'm all prepared to pull out the nest and nicely place it on a branch in the tree in our yard (see I'm not as mean as I first appear). BUT when I lowered the wreath, to my dismay, there were 5 little blue eggs laying at the bottom.

No stinking way...I might be fed up with the disgusting runs of poop on my car but I'm not cold hearted enough to kill the innocent birds before they are even born (I'm anti-abortion). I carefully put the wreath back in it's spot and went in the house to wallow in the foreverness that would become my disgusting car doors.

Since this little event I have caught the real culprit sitting on the side of my car...it's a much bigger bird than the one inhabiting our wreath and thus explains the amount of poop on my car. I will admit I still have moments of wanting to get rid of the wreath bird (eggs and all) just because I can't be completely sure that she isn't contributing in some way to the filth but my roommate gives me those eyes of "Killer...how can you?" and I make the right decision.

My most logical idea about fixing this problem is to tape pictures of owls inside my car windows...I'll let you know if that works or not. I'm open to suggestions too...my car looks very ridiculous (cause I'm too lazy to wash the doors of twice a day).