I have been dreading writing this post and dragging my feet, wishing I didn't have to tell you the things I'm going to tell you (but part of this journey is focusing on honesty). Today marks day 17 of this 30 day journey and unfortunately I have felt like a failure since Saturday. I hesitate in even writing that last sentence because Saturday marked a very monumental day for a very good reason...I worked out. Thanks to my friend inviting me and picking me up, we did not let the snow deter us from our mission and so my first spin class in many, many months was completed and I signed up for a new gym membership at Villa. Of the last 4 days, that work out (and the 2 others that have followed it) has made me very happy.
The disappointment: I jumped out of my exercise rut and right into the bad eating one. Friday night I made flax meal bread, it's not made with grains and has the consistency of corn bread. It's green in color. I tried my first piece with butter and didn't like the flavor. I decided to put strawberry/rhubarb jam on my second piece (strawberry/rhubarb jam has sugar listed as the 3rd ingredient). Unfortunately my diet was very imbalanced all day Saturday. I only ate the flax meal bread and jam for breakfast and lunch so while I was doing a little work at the office hat afternoon I found the despised candy jar of my co-worker and indulged in 4 snack size candy bars (the first trip to that candy jar in at least 14 days). I then ate more of the flax meal bread and jam for dinner and of course around 9:30 p.m. my body (not receiving much in terms of nutrition ) was screaming for 'food'. I quickly decided I was in need of Taco Bell (quickly so I wouldn't change my mind)...thus the spiral starts.
Sunday started out well enough but a bridal shower tempted me with cake and a cookie (of which I ate both and loved them)...thinking I had really thrown away my whole weekend I opted for one more stop at Taco Bell (I'm not proud of choosing fast food 2 night in a row). Monday seem to be good, Tuesday I had pig in the blankets and ketchup as well as cereal for dinner and this morning, a bagel with cream cheese.
I'm trying not to let these bad choices get me down but they are already reflected on the scale. I end up questioning whether this whole eating plan is really worth it. I have to fight and fight and fight to drop my weight by 5 pounds and a few (what I thought were minor) slip ups and the weight quickly and easily goes back up.
I'm not quite as sad as I was last week but I'm still struggling some in that area too. I decided to make an appointment for my annual physical and I'm going to ask them to check my thyroid. I want to know for sure there is no specific, treatable, medical reason I'm struggling so much to lose weight and keep my emotions in check.
Weight: 229
Bad Food Choices: Taco Bell and strawberry/rhubarb jam
Good Food Choices: Eating the flax meal bread instead of store bought, regular bread
Activity: 2 spin classes and a weights class in the last 4 days
Emotional: Trying to deal with the sad feelings as they come and concentrating on viewing myself the way God views me.
2 comments:
Carmen, I think the biggest thing now is not to let your slip ups discourage you to the point of giving up. So you cheated on your eating plan. It's okay. Don't beat yourself up.
You're trying to change longtime habits and that's HARD. Keep persevering - you WILL be successful.
I'm headed to the gym tonight after work if you want to go with me!
Maybe the plan that you are on is just too hard to stick with because of how strict it is? Have you thought about trying the Weight Watchers stuff? I don't use their program, I just use their cookbooks. It's what works best for me (and my hubby) because we still get to eat "normal" meals, and have some sweets, too. That might help you not feel so guilty every time you eat out. And..I super like the Taco Bell Fresco tacos!
Keep on keepin on! Eyes on the Prize! ((hugs))
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