Because I'm Not Who I Want to Be

It's only 8:00 a.m. and I've been reminded several times today that I'm not who I want to be (yet).

Sadly my quiet times have been sparse lately...until this week. I've been struggling on several fronts and I knew the ONLY thing that would make a difference was spending time with the Lord. So every morning this week, during breakfast, instead of turning on the news (so depressing anyway) I opened my Bible. The Lord met me there at the breakfast table and my heart has been overflowing.

This morning I opened up to Colossians. I've actually read Colossians 3:17 everyday this week...I NEEDED that reminder that everything I do is for the Lord. In fact a friend shared it with me Monday at small group and I've meditated on it everyday since. Well this morning I decided to broaden my look in Colossians and started reading at 3:1. When I got to verses 12-14...I had to read them several time and let them wash over me. I feel so many of my struggles right now revolve around not following God's directions for his 'chosen people'.

Colossians 3:12-14 "Therefore as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. FORGIVE as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."

I'm not there right now. So many people I interact with on a daily basis don't seem to be there right now and I prayed and prayed this morning that God would get us there.

Then on my way to work I popped in Switchfoot. 'This is Your Life' is song 2 on the CD and the chorus chimes over and over are you who you want to be.

My heart cried out 'no'. The good part is that even though I don't exemplify the characteristics of God's chosen people (all the time) and even though I am not who I want to be...I'm still chosen and God loves me. He loves me with a sacrificial, Agape love that I don't understand all the time but I am forever, forever grateful for.

The Lord has met me this week. I didn't expect any different but before this week I was not doing my part. I think I'll continue to have breakfast with Him next week...the time with Him was precious.

Happy Friday! Are you who you want to be?

Because God Created Them

Another installment of "I love Tanzania" here...

The key ministry of Compassion is child development through sponsorship in which we partner with a local churches who carry out our programs. While on my sponsor tour in Tanzania I was able to visit 5 of these child development projects. I was so impressed with each and every one of them I couldn't believe the amazing things I was seeing.

Each project I visited had an individual book on each child recording various educational, health and social information including copies of every letter the child had written to their sponsor. Another impressive aspect of each project is the way the project partnered with the pastor and church. The pastor was proud of the work the Compassion project was doing and was excited to share in the success that the church and Compassion together were having in the community.

At each project we'd hear testimonies from sponsored children and parents of what being part of Compassion meant to them. It was such a wonderful experience to hear the joy and hope in their stories and to know that being a sponsor means I get to help give that joy and hope to my sponsored children.

Probably the hardest part of each project visit and yet my favorite part were the home visits we went on. That deserves it's own post...so I'll talk about it later.

Each of the project workers we met were passionate about their jobs, gentle and caring as they talked about specific children in their project and dedicated to the work the Lord had called them to. It was inspiring to me as there are definitely days where I don't feel the passion and dedication that I want to. When I hit those days...Tanzania project workers will be on my mind.

Here's a few of my favorite pics from the projects I visited.

Because I Did It (with encouragement of course)

That's right people...I ran a 5K. I ran the whole thing! Around mile 2 I was thinking it would be nice to walk...when my running buddy started telling me "look how far we have come, you are totally going to make it. You're not going to have to walk...you're doing awesome!" and I didn't really feel like I could answer with "can we walk now?"

My running buddies Karyn and Becky.
First 5K for all of us.

I met the challenge head on and the Lord gave me strength and perseverance...and a running buddy who didn't care how slow we went. I'm so excited that I finished the 5K but even more so that I didn't have to walk. Six months ago...I wouldn't have been able to do this. I'm amazed at how far I have come.

I did feel like I was running incredibly slow (I think it turned out to be 12.9 minutes/mile). Probably most annoying were the speed walkers...who were in front of me. Another small annoyance were the "run/walkers." I would pass them when they were walking and then they'd run by me for like a block and then they'd walk again...and I'd pass them again. Take that times 20 and that was a big part of the race for me.

So, now I'm looking forward to improving my time and looking for the next raise. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement and running companionship. I could have never done this on my own.

Finished! Thanks Karyn!

Because I Registered

Several weeks ago I registered for the St. Patrick's Day 5K race scheduled for tomorrow morning. I figured if I registered for it (paid the money) then I couldn't back out...cause I'm Dutch and we don't pay for things we aren't going to use or follow through with. I've done my best to 'train' for this 5K but I don't think I have yet run 3 miles without stopping.

Something I didn't factor into the mix well was my recent, amazing trip to Tanzania. Tanzania is at sea level and other than walking and the few times I chose the stairs over the elevator...I was not 'training' while I was there. Coming back was a bit of a shockon the lungs and body.

I did have a great running session with my roommate yesterday. She's very encouraging and doesn't mind that my pace is unbelievably slow (let's hope my friend Karyn running with me tomorrow doesn't mind either). We started with a 3 minute run, then a 4 minute run, then a 5, then a 6, then 8, then 11 with 1 minute to 1.5 minute walk in between. I felt very good at the end and a small part of me wonders if I might be able to run the entire 5K tomorrow? I don't want to bank on it because I don't want to get frustrated and disappointed if/when I have to walk. So if it happens it will just be a cherry on top of an already very yummy sundae. That little metaphor is in honor of the fact that I'm already planning my first food intake after the race is going to be ice cream!

So, if you think about it tomorrow morning...say a little prayer. Truthfully I am amazed that I can even run 11 minutes straight. I have come a long way and if I'm unable to run my entire first 5K...no problem, gives me something to work for on the next one and the future ones, cause the first one will not be the last.

Because She's Amazing

First of all, thank you for your prayers. My trip to Tanzania was incredible. I had no clue what to expect so you can imagine that my expectations were exceeded over and over. Tanzania is a beautiful country and our country staff there are so great! I'm still processing and hope to share many stories with you but for the first installment I wanted to tell you how totally special my sponsored child, Agnesi is. By far the best part of my trip was getting to meet her.

I boarded the bus on Thursday morning with anticipation and a little anxiety. Will she recognize me? Will I recognize her? Will she like me? Will we connect and have fun or spend the day stairing at each other? I was praying the whole bus ride. I couldn't believe the day I had waited for for 6 years was actually here. We pulled into the parking lot and some of the kids were already there, I wasn't sure if she was or not. I worked my way through the crowd and watched as the kids recognized their sponsors. I knew I would recognize her eyes and kept trying to look some of the young ladies in the eyes. Then, I saw her, she was looking at me and although a part of me wasn't quite sure, most of me knew it was her. She was a few feet from me and I said her name "Agnesi? Agnesi?". She smiled and shook her head yes and gave me a huge hug. I hugged her back, and held in the tears (I didn't want to scare her right off the bat).

We moved off into the grass, pulled up some plastic white deck chairs and spent the morning looking at pictures I had brought her and talking (through her project worker that translated for us). She is so beautiful. She had a lovely baby blue dress on, her eyes shinning. When we sat, she sat close with her hand on my arm, when we walked she held my hand, when we stood she'd lean against me with her head on my shoulder. It was our first ever meeting but it was as if she was my little sister and we were instantly comfortable with each other. Praise the Lord (Bwana Asifiwe in swahili). The Lord had bound our hearts before we even met.

I can tell you that the day went far too quickly and I did cry at the end. She is a precious jewel and meeting her has touched my heart in ways I never imagined it would. I think about her all the time now and try to imagine what she's doing. My prayers for her seem more connected and relevant than they were before. I will be a different sponsor than I was before. Each letter will be different, each word of encouragement more specific. Every time I tell someone else about Compassion and sponsorship will be a testament of her life and of all the Lord is doing in her. I'm so grateful I get to be a part of it.

She's amazing and even though I told her she was, I don't know that she believes it, so I will keep telling her as often as I can and I'm already thinking about and planning for the next time I can go visit her.