It's Been a Great Week!

I had much needed talk with someone that has totally lifted some stress I've been feeling for a while. The talk was not as hard as I thought it would be, I did cry but I think that was release from emotions I had been holding in. Everything is not necessarily 'solved' but we are headed in a good direction. Unfortunately I cannot take credit for initiating the conversation but it's fine...I'm glad it happened.

On the health front I'm so excited about the 'victories' I have had this week. I've worked out every night (Mon-Thurs) and have been eating healthy and it shows on the scale. Mostly this week it has been about portion control. I even let myself indulge with pancakes drizzled in agave nectar and sprinkled with powder sugar...and I still lost weight.

My body is a strange, strange thing and I get tired just trying to understand it. I'm celebrating the victories this week and looking forward to an active yet relaxing weekend!

In other AWESOME news...my new cousin Jaylynn is home. She smiles non-stop and I have yet to hear her throw down any thing even remotely resembling a tantrum. She's beautiful and she's part of our family now.

5:00 AM Wake Up Call

Okay, I know I am not alone in this...day light savings time kicks me hard. So what better way to 'deal' with this lovely little 1 hour clock change, you wonder? If you thought...sleep more, you're probably right but I have chosen the less traveled path and chose 5:30 a.m. work outs. Surprisingly I have pulled it off 3 mornings this week. It hasn't been that tough to drag myself out of bed at 5:00 a.m. and as long as I do a lot of pre-work the night before I can be driving away from my house around 5:25. I kind of like it. I don't think I'll switch all my work outs to morning (I like working out with friends when I can) but maybe 3 times a week will be my magic number.

Now if I could just carry that discipline into the rest of my day...yesterday morning I ate donuts (as in plural but I won't tell you how many) and today I have eaten more chocolate than I can even keep count of (starting at about 9:00 a.m.). The kicker is, neither the donuts or the chocolate are anything to rave about...

One step forward, two steps back. I am totally aware of the fact that this is a journey, a very, very long journey and I need to take it a step at a time. But I need some 'victories' once in a while...

I never meant for this blog to become totally about weight loss but what ever is on my mind is what's on the blog and weight loss is on the mind, all the time.

But just for kicks, let me throw in something fun I have to share that is not related to weight loss. My aunt and uncle are right now in China picking up their new daughter, Jaylynn. They have been on this little adoption journey for 4 years and I'm so excited they are finally bringing her home. She is going to be such a blessing to our family. If you want to see more check out their blog (here).

And the Weight Wins Again

I feel like my weight and I are constantly in battle. I win some and the weight wins some. In my quest to give up sugar and grains and attempt to lose some of my enemy, the weight...my enemy won.

The 30 days are up and I did a pretty poor job of following what was supposed to be my big life changing, body-altering challenge. I had some of the strangest 'binges' I have ever had during this 30 day challenge and I ended up 1 pound heavier than when I started the 30 days. I'm a bit embarrassed, very defeated and feeling once again that I might never be able to do this.

I turn 30 in May and for the last year I have been set on jumping out of a plane for my birthday. I've been telling everyone and getting more and more excited. I just read all the information on-line from this one particular sky diving business and part way through I read that jumpers must weight around 215. There can be exceptions made but that's where the instructors prefer the weight to be. I'm 18 pounds over that right now. It's embarrassing...I don't want them to have to make an exception for me. I won't to have to go back to my friends and tell them why I'm changing my mind about my 30th birthday goal. I don't know if I can lose 18 pounds by May...I don't think I can. But I might try.

We're starting weight watchers at work next week and I signed up. The eating plan is much less rigid so maybe I can actually stick with it. I feel like I jump from plan to plan all the time...but I guess that's what I have to do to find what will work for me.

Brownies

I made brownies last night at 9:30 p.m. and I didn't even wait for them to finish cooking...I scooped some out and ate it in a bowl warm and gooey (I am much more of a batter lover than the actual finished brownie, cake or cookie).

I feel foolish telling you this, but this is the year of speaking the truth (even if it is embarrassing).

I had some brownies for breakfast too.

No reason...I just did it. Everyday is hard and I'm not yet at that point where I make the good decision every day. And sometimes I have several days in a row of bad decisions.

On a higher note I did a BodyPump class last night and my muscles are a bit sore today which is awesome because it means I 'worked' them well.

Surge Training

I'd like to say I started this day 1 when I started eating what I was supposed to. But I was so tired, I wasn't working out at all and even the thought of working out made me want to crawl under a blanket and sleep.

So last week Thursday, I finally did the surge training on the elliptical...here's what it is:

• 40 seconds as hard as I can go
• 40 seconds recovery
• 40 seconds on
• 40 seconds recovery
• 40 seconds on
• 3 minutes of recovery
• repeat the whole thing 3 times.

I have to admit I really liked the surge training. It does not have to be done on a machine it can be as simple as running in place or body weight squats...but something in my brain draws me to using a machine and the elliptical is the easiest to speed up and slow down with.

I've decided to have my thyroid checked at my next physical. I just want to make sure that my weight struggles and yucky emotions aren't stemming from something medical. We'll see what happens I guess.

Weight: I couldn't bring myself to check this whole weekend because I knew I was eating a lot of crap.

Bad Food Choices: 1/2 gallon ice cream, eclairs, cereal, pizza, bagels, waffles, chocolate cupcakes, tortilla chips, cookies (this is everything bad I ate since Thursday).

Good Food Choices: I don't feel like I have made many in the last several days...

Activity: Went to the gym everyday except for Saturday.

Emotional: Still looking for ways to be good to myself to spite the fact that I feel guilty about some of my choices.