Pearly Whites

WARNING: This post has more information about my current dental issues than you probably ever wanted to know. But if you're one of those people who likes that kind of thing (you're weird), keep reading.

People tell me all the time how great my teeth are...but the truth is they are bad teeth. Okay, so they chew food fine (which is a blessing) but other than that, they are bad.

I had a dentist appointment this morning and I was in a rush because I slept longer than I should have, so when I got there (7 minutes late) I was quite frazzled. Starting the appointment that way likely contributed to my eventual tears (in my car, after the appointment).

My last dentist appointment included a periodontal cleaning and a fitting for a night mouth guard (which of course is not cheap and is not covered by my dental insurance). The periodontal cleaning was totally awful and I vowed, prayed and hoped I never would need it again. I started flossing every night, rinsing with Plax (the only mouth wash with fluoride and #1 dentist recommended) and wearing my mouth guard every night.

Based on my tooth care being better than I think it has ever been (including the year I wore braces and should have been taking good care of my teeth) I was pretty sure that today's appointment would be just fine...with the exception of my filling, it felt like part of it had fallen out. So I get in the chair and she starts poking my gums (which is apparently part of the periodontal cleaning and only covered by insurance at 80%). She tries to make them bleed and calls out numbers to another lady typing them in the computer. 112, 343, 242,332 and whatever. I have no idea whether a high or low number is good but then she highlights the fact that some are bleeding...duh you just pricked them with a really sharp metal tool, don't most people's bleed? I try to relax; she finishes the cleaning. She tells me that my gums look much better than they did last time, except for a few places. She tells me to keep up the good work. She acknowledges that 'yes, my filling has fallen out on both sides' and calls in the doctor.

I'm feeling okay...I knew there was something up with the filling. The doctor ever so slightly pushes her metal probe into the center of each tooth (how on earth can she tell that I have a cavity just by that) and calls out a few different things to my hygienist. I'm starting to get nervous and pretty sure I'm not going to like what she has to say.

I don't. She tells me that somehow both of my very back fillings have come out (or at least pieces of them) and that I also have two other teeth that are damaged. She has no idea how this happened because wearing the night guard was supposed to protect me from ruining my own teeth. I tell them 'I hate the dentist' (yes I really, truly said that) trying to sound like I'm joking but really trying to hold back my tears (it might be immature, but oh well) and try to smile while she tells me she needs me to come back and 'get those taken care of'.

I go to the desk to schedule 2 separate appointments for the fillings (they don't want to numb my whole mouth at the same time) and then find out that my insurance doesn't fully cover anything periodontal related...fabulous. I'm pretty sure the cleaning I had today is exactly like every other cleaning I have ever had...so I don't know why they code it different and now I have a co-pay. They can tell, I'm frustrated and they try to make me feel better and make it sound like it's all the insurance's fault and I'm barely listening because all I want to do is leave BEFORE the tears come out. I pay my copay, schedule two appointments on back to back days, tell them it's all fine and quickly get to my car.

Sunglasses on...tears come. I felt so silly for crying but I can't understand why I have such bad teeth. I brush 2 times a day, floss once, rinse 1-2 times, avoid beverages that will stain and try my best not to open things with my teeth. I was so frustrated because I found myself not trusting that my dentist is really doing the right thing and thinking she is maybe just trying to get lots of money from me. I know I'm totally off my rocker but just typing the story again makes me want to cry some more.

All day I'm pouting over the state of my teeth and of course a co-worker tells me what great teeth I have. Figures.

Single

Last night I went to a special 'Night of Encouragement' that a friend organized. The main purpose was to hear the stories of two women; stories of how they waited through their singleness and what God taught them through that time and how eventually he provided their mate.

I wouldn't say I dwell on being single (as I have occasionally noticed others can do). I think I embrace it and live life; doing, living and learning. I still love (and on the inside and only briefly hate) when my friends start dating someone and eventually announce 'he's the one' and plan a beautiful wedding, and start their life as a wife and drop off the face of the planet and start having babies... Honestly one of the parts I do really love (but can still sometimes be painful for my wait) is to hear the story. The story of how they went from me to we. Often times there's nothing special about it but it's still so very special, especially if this particular friend had to wait a while. I have wonderful friends so usually when they are waiting a while for this part of their life, I'm wondering why and curious what God reveals in that time.

That's exactly what this night of stories was for and it did not disappoint. Twenty women showed up to the story night, that alone tells you how our hearts need to be encouraged by these kind of stories. Stories of woman who waited patiently (or occasionally not so patiently) on the Lord, spending time with the Lord and living their lives and eventually having God lead them to the one. We need to hear that at the end of this wait will come our Knight, but the truth is God has never promised that and we cannot expect that He will give us that. We can hope that He wouldn't have given us the desire for a husband if He wasn't planning on providing one...but just hope, not expect.

I was reminded last night that more important than any other way I may be preparing to be a wife is the time I spend with God. I don't understand why God hasn't brought me that special someone and I definitely don't understand why He's holding off in providing that for some of my friends...but what I know for sure is that He loves me. He loves me and He wants me to spend time getting to know Him and working toward being like Him. He loves me and longs for me to desire Him more than I desire anything else in my life. He loves me and He wants my first thoughts to be about Him and my actions and words to be a reflection of Him in my life.

The best kind of husband would be the kind who loved me because of how much he saw those pieces of God reflected in my life. I'll wait forever for that kind of husband. That might mean I'm too old to have babies or that I spend many many more years waiting and watching many many other friends' wait come to completion...but I will wait as long as I have to for the right kind of relationship with my husband.

Waiting for the Week

I'm having one of those weekends where I am just counting down to the week and the sooner I go to bed the sooner it will be done. I don't think I have ever felt this way before and I am sure that come tomorrow I will be back to counting down till the weekend again.

Most of the things I did this weekend were fun and uplifting and something I wanted to do but since so many of them were back to back to back...I have ended up with a headache and a plan to be in bed sleeping by 8:30. Maybe 8:40.

I have 5 days till my summer roommate moves in. She is an intern at work and having a spare bedroom available I offered to house her for the summer. I'm super excited to have her joining me, she is from Iowa after all, however I think preparing for her is adding to my stress. I have shelves to paint for the spare bedroom, pictures to hang on the wall all throughout the house, things to put away in the basement and organizing to do in the kitchen so she has some space. Those were some things on my to do list that I did not get to...

I might have to cut some projects...because I shall not cut sleep. Off to bed I go.

Thirty, Flirty and Thriving

Two out of three isn't bad. I have ZERO skills at flirting. If I have flirted before, it has been on accident and I doubt I could duplicate it. Oh well...this post is not really about flirting (thank God) it's about my surprise birthday weekend. But what woman turning 30 doesn't quote the famous line from 'Thirteen Going on Thirty'?

I'm so thankful for my friends. They know me, they love me, they care about the things I care about and they made me feel SO special this weekend. This weekend was my surprise, birthday getaway. My friends did awesome at keeping all the details a secret including lying to me if I flat out asked them if they were going. I tried really hard not to ruin the surprise...

The weekend was perfect. Being in the mountains always makes me happy but then add in lots of wonderful conversations and tons of laughs, good food, good time with the Lord and pampering on so many levels, and that's my recipe for perfection.

In my quiet time on Sat. morning I was meditating on delight...specifically the Lord's delight in me. I don't think I accept that He delights in me and I was asking the Lord to show me truth about myself and to show me His delight. It's not outward appearance that He delights in but the inner parts of my heart. I felt my friends delight in me this weekend, specifically in my character. They made me a beautiful scrapbook filled with pictures and notes and I was touched to tears to receive it. I think that was part of the way the Lord was revealing His delight in me as well.

Too often I measure myself by the world's standards instead of by the Lord's standards. I see so many external parts of me that I am not happy with (hence the many blogs about weight loss) but my prayer this weekend and my hope for my 30s is that the Lord would help me measure myself by His standards and that I would be more concerned with the shape of my heart than I am with the shape of my body. This does not mean I'm throwing out all my healthy practices...but that I will add in more time with Him.

The scrapbook that my friends gave me has pictures from the last 7 years and seeing them is probably what really brought me to tears. In the pictures, I look 'bigger'. My face is fuller, my body is heavier. I was encouraged to realize that I have already come a long way in my personal health and weight loss goals and it encourages me to keep on going.

Highlights from this weekend were the drive to the mountains, the wonderful women who gave up their time and money to celebrate me, the food catered to my specific tastes, the hike, the morning devos, the hat game, random sayings about hair and pants, the beautiful scenery around the house, the 80s hair and make-up, the manicure, the movie, the scrapbook, the laughs, the hugs, the conversations, the gifts and cards representing 30 in some way, the prayers, the encouragement, the photo shoot, the porch swing, and the realization that I have such great friends.

Peds

This week is busy so enjoying my birthday and the first few days of being 30 has been in the midst of lots of other things and maybe not received the excitement it should have. I'm known by some as an aloof person though so maybe it just looks like normal me to them.

I did do some fun and relaxing things this past weekend leading up to my birthday, one of which being my first pedicure of the 2010 summer season. I picked out a blue glittery color since I had on blue flip flops and a blue shirt...why not? My friend Karyn was with me and she picked a sort of orange-red color (I think)...I know it was also a color that matched her flip flops. We sat on the leather waiting, drying sofa and I started to roll my jeans up. Not quite in summer mode and showering at the gym a lot I realized that I hadn't shaved recently. I was thankful (as I have been on many other occasions) that I have soft, very light colored hair on my legs and unless you are touching my legs or have your face very close to them...you wouldn't notice.

Well pedicures involve a lot of touching of the legs and faces close to them. I was a little embarrassed and then I thought "I'm sure they have seen and touched worse". So I didn't dwell on it.

We soaked our feet in very hot water. I flipped through an old fashion magazine and the process began. I LOVE getting pedicures so I settled into the massage chair and tried to relax. As my pedicurist pulled my first foot out of the water to take off the nail polish that I came in with, Karyn's pedicurist looked at my leg, said something in his language (not English) and laughed. I leaned over to Karyn, hiding my face with the magazine and said "he just told her how gross my hairy legs are and how happy he is he's not my pedicurist)...or something to that effect. She tried to brush it off but for the entire rest of my pedicure I swear they were talking about my gross legs and my calloused heals (she had to use a razor which they don't get out for everyone). I think I finally relaxed with Karyn's pedicurist finished hers early and went away. The color turned out somewhat purple but my feet felt fabulous.

All of the nail shops I go to (3) in Colorado Springs are run by Asians. They are EXCELLENT at their job and it only costs $20...but it always bothers me when I can't understand what they are saying and I'm absolutely sure they are talking about me. How vain am I to think they are just sitting there talking about my legs and feet? But I know they are...

30 Things

Today is my 30th birthday. I'm copying friends (the best form of flattery right) by writing a blog of 30 things I have done in my 30 years...in no particular order:


1. Became an auntie twice.


2. Learned how to ride a bike and drive a car, a bus and a boat.


3. Traveled to 11 foreign countries.


4. Published poetry.


5. Bought a house.


6. Saved a girl from drownding.


7. Hiked Pikes Peak.


8. Ran a 5K (without stopping to walk).


9. Hiked on the Great Wall of China.


10. Graduated high school and college.


11. Passed my PHR certification test (Professional in Human Resources).


12. Participated in 11 weddings as flower girl, bridesmaid, personal attendant, wedding planner or usher.


13. Worked as a house cleaner.


14. Worked as a camp cook, camp counselor, program director, life gaurd, ropes course, bus driver, beach front, trash runs, hospital run, capture the flag, taps talk, Ewolk, R2D2, midnight gate patrol with no flash light, ski boat driver, rescue boat driver, kayak trip leader, camp out, cook out, tie up shoes and no bug spray, dark colors and lots of bug spray, Sonrise, Omaha bus run, burn camp, Apache girls, poop sheet, camp fire maker, post season, pre season, Walmart on my N.O., singing my campers to sleep, chuck wagon, teaching David to make kool-aid, kinder-camp, golf cart stealing, approved pranks and FOB. That was a fun 4 years of my life!


15. Held out to get a cell phone till I was 25.


16. Lived in the same house till graduating college (my parents still live there).


17. Walked beans and rode beans (paid by my grandpa).


18. Worked as a sandwich artist.


19. Never been the driver of a car that's gotten into an accident.


20. Learned to play the piano, drums and guitar...can barely play any of them anymore.


21. Nannied in Michigan for a summer in high school.


22. Tried surfing.


23. Marched (in wooden shoes) in the Fiesta Bowl parade.


24. Played softball in the Metrodome...also played a half-time show of a Vikings game in the Metrodome.


25. Paid off all my debt.


26. Baptized as a baby and re-baptized by my own choice at 24 in a friend's man-made backyard water feature.


27. Traveled to a BBQ in a van with the live goat next to me that would become our dinner (didn't know it till we arrived and they slit it's throat).


28. Got mullet like perms in elementary school.


29. Got a massage in Singapore, head shampoo in China, made bricks in Honduras, washed clothes in a river in Mongolia, survived traffic in India in a rickshaw, walked flooded streets of the Philippines and an India slum, felt an earthquake in El Salvador, and went on a safari in Tanzania.


30. Celebrated 30 birthdays.

Boy Crazy

I was totally boy crazy in high school yet ironically struggled to even say 'hello' to boys. As I was perusing Facebook this evening I had this strange desire to look up some of the boys that I have had crushes on in the past. MANY of the boys I was crazy over when I was in high school were older boys and always my crushes would be very long term. Some of them were camp counselors (thus college boys when I was in high school), another college guy led a young life type youth group and another was a senior at a rival school when I was a freshman (but I had friends who went to that school so I would see him at sporting events and city wide events.



I struggled a bit to remember a few names but found 4 of the boys I used to think were 'oh so special'. I had to use my google skills and the weird memory I have of possible ages and years of graduation to find one. Fortunately they all are still very smart and have their Facebook profiles blocked...my stalker tendencies were shut down. Also fortunate is that I still can't talk to boys...so there is really no chance I'll be Facebook messaging them to confess my crazy high school crush on them.

The Miracle of LIFE

I've been thinking about what a miracle life is. So often I think we take for granted what a miracle conceiving, carrying that baby to term and delivering a healthy baby truly is...let alone for the mother to come through it all healthy. I know I tend to take it for granted, but several times in the last month I have been reminded that all of it is a complete miracle:

• Several weeks ago friends of mine had a scare with their pregnancy and delivered the baby early. The baby is beautiful but it is a miracle she is alive. Everyday there are little improvements and it's still unclear what her life might look like...but having life is the miracle and she is beautiful (did I say that already). Anyway her story can be found here.
• On the news a few Friday's ago there was a follow story on Eliot who only lived for 99 days. His parents can tell you what a miracle he was and the way their lives changed having him. The follow up story was talking about their other two healthy children but the impact Eliot has had and continues to have on all their lives.
• Just last Sunday a dear friend shared that she is pregnant. This may not necessarily seem like such a miracle but she has been trying to get pregnant for over 5 years. We are praising God because her pregnancy is a miracle to us. We're praying that that miracle carries through to a healthy baby.

There are so many other stories to share, even of how my own nephew struggled in his first few days of life.

But the conversation that really got me praying this week was a conversation I was not even part of. I (along with several other people I didn't know) was copied on a forward about an abortion movie. The sender is an acquaintance and I didn't even look at the forward. But a woman who is pro choice responded to that forward, another woman who is pro life responded to her and the pro choice woman responded back. Reading their emails felt like an invasion as they both passionately shared statistics and personal experiences for why they felt the way they did on the subject and I was left with the thought 'all life is a miracle just because the mother chooses to give it.' Conceiving was a miracle but before jumping to carrying the baby to term I need to add in choosing to give life is part of the miracle too. I am VERY pro life and I believe in EVERY instance IT is a miracle. We never know what God might be doing and so I want Him to be the one making the choices about lives.